The past year was a time of uncomfortable growth for me.
I’m a people pleaser by nature, and it was the first time I’ve had to come to grips with not pleasing everyone while trying my hardest to. A few friendships ended, a few new ones began, and my priorities dramatically shifted. I’m proud to look back and see that I stuck to my values the entire year – choosing my kids’ well-being over everything and focusing on our little family above all else.
Most of the lessons I learned the hard way are a bit gruff – but they’ll make sense to every recovering people-pleaser out there. If I could go back a year and prep January 2025 me for what was to come, this is what I would say:
You don’t have to be liked to be a good person. You can do your best and still have people not like it or you. Standing up for what you believe in and those you love doesn’t make you mean – even if it upsets others. Some people need a villain at all times, those people aren’t your people anyways. Being silent is better than being misunderstood, and worse, misquoted. You can try your hardest to explain where you’re coming from, and if the other person is determined to misunderstand, there is nothing you can do it about it. Let it all go, all of that’s ok, just keep doing the next right thing. Keep signing up for (or coordinating!) meal trains. Keep planning community swaps. Keep searching the community for gaps you can fill. Keep volunteering when you can. Keep inviting people to sit at your table – even if your table is currently a mess. Keep reaching out to those you haven’t heard form in awhile. Your people are out there, just keep being you.
I’m starting 2026 with a clear definition of my values and goals. With a happy and healthy family, a strong network of amazing people, and a few best friends that make life better than I could have ever imagined. If you’re going through a tough time socially, or learning that setting and holding boundaries isn’t as neat and calm as you’d hoped, just keep doing the next right thing. It’ll all work for the better.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: I’m not perfect, I have some regrets about the past year of course. Mainly, not walking away sooner or calmer. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. Sometimes it’ll have tips to eating more whole foods or scheduling in family time, other times it might be a ranking of which Valentine’s chocolates are best. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
