If you’re trying to make friends, let me give you some advice.
Informing is not inviting.
Informing can make you feel like you extended the invitation, but it’s just not the same. It can be hard to spot at first, but here are some examples:
“There are some moms that get together every Monday morning at the park.”
“I have some friends that get together every Monday morning at the park, it’d be great to have you join. I’ll make your favorite muffins to bring next Monday, will you come?”
“I go to the CrossFit gym with some friends, it’s great.”
“I go to morning workouts classes in town, I’d love to have you try it with me. I’ll text you which ones I’m going to next week, can you pick which day works for you?”
“We’re getting in the pool this afternoon if you want to join.”
“We’re going to swim this afternoon, we’d love to have y’all join! Will you come after lunch? I’ll have popsicles for the kiddos.”
Informing feels safe. It lets them know they are welcome to come if they want. It generally puts an idea out there with the format of “there is ____, you should ______”. Inviting, on the other hand, can feel risky & vulnerable. It bluntly lets a person know they are wanted & usually has a question involved like “will you ____? can you _____?”
Building a friendship is vulnerable. It can awkward and daunting to attempt, especially for the new comers to a friend group. Don’t outsource the difficult part on the group outsider, be the one to invite them in.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: If you’re the newbie to a friend group, accept the invasion as often as you can, they want you there, I promise. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
