Christmas parties, dinners, and pot lucks. Cookie exchanges, game nights, and movie marathons. White elephant, secret santa, and gift exchanges for family and friends far & near. Crafting, baking, and cooking. Taking a picture with Santa, coordinating family photos, and mailing Christmas cards. Caroling, volunteer work, and angel trees. Winter walks, drive-thru light displays, and Nutcracker ballets. Winter wonderlands, visits trips up the mountain to see snow, and ice skating. There are enough Christmas “must-dos” to fill a calendar daily for months, but there is no need to. I’m a big fan of optimization, and not all events are equal. I think it’s important to evaluate the activities you do as a family with that in mind.
Here’s some starting points to ponder when deciding which events and traditions are worth keeping for your family:
-How does this event make me and my family feel, both leading up to it and during?
This isn’t the awkwardness of seeing that one sibling-in-law you don’t mesh with, or the five-minute melt-down you know will happen when you tote the over-tired toddler home. Small hiccups are normal for every event, and I would never encourage missing out on joy for something like that. This is that one girls’ dinner you know will be tense, the one gift exchange you know whatever you bring will never be good enough. The one group that invites you, but doesn’t welcome you, the judgey-cliquey gathering that you’ll replay in your mind at 2am for weeks after. Whatever pops in your head with a sigh and dread of knowing it’s coming up. That event, you know the one you’re thinking of, skip it. I’ve started saying no to things I know I won’t like, and I can attest to how much nicer life is for it – truly, give it a shot.
-Do we enjoy this event enough to justify the expense and effort?
Not all drains are financial, your time and emotional work are costs to consider as well. Every year, I host a gingerbread house decorating party. I pre-glue the mini houses, set out sprinkles, frosting, and decorations, and make snacks (& coffee for the mamas) to share. I clean the house top to bottom, make a holiday playlist, and prepare myself to find stray sprinkles ’til March. Luckily, my village is great and all chips in to cover the 20+ houses, but it’s still a lot of time, effort…and hot glue. For our family, it’s worth it. My kids look forward to it for months leading up to it, and talk about it for months after. I look forward to seeing my friends and chit-chatting while attempting to manage the chaos that is 30-ish kids wielding frosting. It’s a keeper for us, through and through.
-Are we just continuing this because it’s been done in the past? Will it be missed if we just skip it?
My kids make ornaments for the people they love every year. They are monstrosities made of felt, foam, glue, pom-poms, etc. I don’t help at all, if you get an ornament, they thought of you on their own, and created it with love. At most, I employ a hot glue gun as needed and write the to/from sharpie on the back. Sometimes I am a referee when arguments break out over the composition of ornaments – are we positive that Aunt Katie would like that many sparkles? I would not miss this tradition at all….but they sure would. So it stays.
In the end, each family is going to have their own favorites and priorities. I can’t just list out all of our traditions and declare it the best way to have a good holiday season. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it brings you lasting joy…and if it doesn’t, I hope you skip it.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: I’m still working on the saying a flat “no, thank you” instead of a flimsy excuse. Baby steps! If anyone is wondering, our Christmas traditions are family photos in matching pjs, hosting a gingerbread party, coloring and mailing letters to Santa, making ornaments for loved ones, baking cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve while snacking all day and having a Santa Clause movie marathon, and cinnamon rolls and pizza on Christmas Day. Your list of “must-dos” may be drastically different and that’s great! Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
