It’s no secret that happiness has a market. I’m not saying it can be bought, but the pursuit of it can definitely be sold. There are courses, articles, self-help books, self-care routines, and endless methods advertised for enhancing happiness, and many of them are specifically marketed to moms.
In a way, it makes sense. Moms are often the emotional thermostat of their families – influencing the feelings of the entire household. I don’t think struggling moms should focus on increasing happiness though – I think they should do the opposite. If you’re struggling with being short-tempered, negative, or grumpy in your role as a mother, try thinking of how you could have a really, really bad day. How would you set yourself up for failure? Here’s mine:
I wouldn’t get enough sleep the night before.
I would wake up to chaos of the kids getting up at the same time.
I wouldn’t eat enough fuel or nutrition for my body’s needs.
I would be rushed, behind, and have to deal with household needs at the same time as kids all day long.
I wouldn’t get enough movement to kick in endorphins.
I would isolate from my friends and family.
All of that could very well tip me in a truly, very horrible day. Yet, rephrased, they initially seem enticing and justifiable:
-I’ll stay up super late to read a book in silence.
-I’ll get thirty more minutes of sleep by staying in bed ’til the kids get me up.
-I’ll make the kids a proper breakfast while sipping on coffee.
-I’ll skip my nighttime or morning chores (or, gasp, both!) for a false sense of a break.
-I’ll lay on the couch, justifying a rest day when I don’t really need one.
-I’ll avoid plans, thinking connection will cost energy instead of contribute.
Often, I think moms, myself included, make quick, short-term decisions. We set ourselves, and thus our families, up for bad moods from the start. Adding in self-care routines or happiness techniques without addressing the problematic root habits is just adding frosting to a bran muffin and calling it a cupcake. You, Mama, set the mood. Set it intentionally.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: No offense to bran muffins intended – I have had a really, really excellent bran muffin before. They just aren’t cupcakes, even with frosting on top. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. I’ll write about the importance of eating the rainbow of fruits and veggies one week, and share my caramel brownie recipe the next. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
