Finding friends as an adult can be difficult. Friendships no longer form over favorite dinosaurs or a love of building mud pits. There isn’t the commonality of classes or clubs to meet new people regularly. Opinions on serious topics, busy schedules, and lack of introductions all get in the way of making adult friends. Parenting only compounds the complications – add kids activities to the already packed schedule and parenting practices to the list of very strong opinions. For extra difficulty, realize how others treat your kids plus ow their kids treat your kids (and vice versa) will have an influence, too.
In my experience, the best way to make friends is to join a local community, either online or in person. Meeting people is the first hurdle to overcome and groups help make introductions. Don’t just join any group though – first think about the kind of friends you would like to make.
First, meet other moms. Consider joining a local mothers group (shout out to Pahrump Mother’s Corner!), attending in-person kid events, or striking up a conversation with other moms when you visit a park or kid activity. Fair warning: I’ve found friendships based solely on the shared experience of motherhood don’t always last. Parenting is polarizing – a topic that could encompass a full book on its own – and as the ages go up, the more polarizing the paths can be. Motherhood in general can be a great first introduction, based as a launching pad for new friendships, but try to look for more common ground to develop true camaraderie.
Next, look for people with similar individual interests. This is my personal favorite for a foundation of friendship. Pursue the interest, and eventually it will lead to friends. This does not include parenting interests – look for commonality between the two adults separately from the children. Kids have no trouble making friends, this advice is for you, the mom, to make your own friends. Joining a gym, a running club, or an adult sports league are all great options for fitness fanatics. Quilting clubs, paint ’n sips, and craft fairs are a few choices for creative types. Book clubs, silent reading clubs, or writing groups are possibilities for literary people. Country dancing, concerts, or even karaoke might suit music lovers. Volunteering at a homeless shelter, food bank, or animal shelter can appeal to charitable personalities. Think of a group or event you’d love to go to but don’t see it offered in Pahrump? Put out feelers and host it yourself! Build it and like-minded people will come.
Once you’ve made acquaintances with similar interests, look for friends that encourage a better you. This one can be tricky, but so worth it when done correctly. To put it simply, some people just don’t make good friends. Look for people that distance themselves from bad influences, cheer on growth as positive change, and are willing to reciprocate the same level of care that you provide. Constant complaining, clique-y behavior, hot and cold attitudes, and passive aggressiveness are all red flags. Real friendship takes effort, love, grace, trust, and vulnerability; it’s not possible to have real, deep friendships with every person you meet and that’s ok. Be the type of person you want to have in your life, and others will come.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: Friendships can be hard for everyone, including me. Friendships aren’t meant to last forever, and it’s important to prioritize the best (and hopefully longest) friendships you have: your family. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. Sometimes it’ll have meals that don’t heat up the house, other times it could be a call for basic manners in society. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
