Find yourself wishing you had a friend that does a specific thing? Oh happy day, great news, shout it from the rooftops, you can BE that friend!
Wish someone would invite you to events? Get to planning and inviting – if you’re hosting, you’re automatically invited. Can’t think of what you’d like to attend but want community and connection? Start by browsing low-key party ideas on Pinterest. Or think of something enjoyable you already like to do and invite some friends to join. It doesn’t have to be big – a bonfire, a walk to the duck pond, a trip to the library – whatever was already on your schedule. Think you’d love something more involved or elaborate? Maybe a girls’ game night, a garden party, a kid-free outing to that one particular donut shop in the big city? Start a group chat with some interested friends and send an invite. No one is holding you back from having those friends – you just need to set the example.
Wish you had the kind of support that drops off treats just because or swings by with a meal when you’re having a hard day? Doing that for your people opens up the door for that practice. No one wants to risk looking weird by doing it first. Pick up your friend’s favorite coffee order to drop off the next time you get yourself one. Ask if you can drop off dinner when you know they’re going to be stretched thin. Send a “good-luck” text the morning of their big event or a “thinking of you” message when they have something hard coming up. Keep notes in your phone about things they like and dislike. It may seem weird from the outside, but man do I feel hecka loved every time one of my best friends hands me a diet coke when I walk into her home and I hope she feels loved every time I bake and bring her a chocolate chip cookie. Decide the risk is worth the outcome and embrace the mindset that openly loving your people isn’t weird.
Wish there was less pressure to be perfect in your circle? Open up about your struggles. Be real with your trials. Laugh about the time you forgot deodorant at the gym and attempted to use hand soap instead (it was awful, 0/10, do not recommend). Don’t clean up before having your bestie over, and give her permission to do the same. Fess up when you’re feeling inadequate at life and you’ll find you’re probably not the only one. There’s no need to pretend to have it all together, real friendship is made with real connection, and real connection can only coming from sharing your real life, not the one you wish you had.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: Loving this hard often means a smaller circle. I prefer it that way, and firmly believe in the theory of Dunbar’s Number. Quality over quantity is very important to me in relationships, and the quality of friends I have now is higher than it has ever been before. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. It might be a comparison of chicken nugget cooking methods, or reasons you should just feed them the nuggets every time they ask. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
