That’s not a typo.
Ducks look calm, serene, and peaceful on the surface – even when zooming across the water, they seem to glide effortlessly. However, under the surface, they are paddling furiously. Ducks aren’t simply lazily moving their feet in a back and forth motion either; they use a complex motion that involves spreading and contracting their toes as they move as well.
Social media often reminds me of a duck pond. It seems as if everything is great for everyone, everywhere! My house is always clean, my social life is always amazing, and did I mention my children are always smart, cute, kind, and well-behaved? To top it off, things are often posted without mentioning the effort, sacrifices, or backstory behind the accomplishments. Aside from the shared political posts or memes on the feed, you’d think every single person I know has a perfect life, myself included; I am also guilty of being a duck from time to time.
In theory, it’s fine. I want to know about the positives in my friends’ lives, and think they like to hear about mine. I enjoy supporting their goals, cheering on their kids accomplishments, and seeing their updates. The trouble begins when we don’t acknowledge how hard we’re paddling, even to those closest to us. If the paddling is simply too tiring, we need to reach out.
I’m not saying to stop the positive posts, keep them coming, I love celebrating with you. I’m saying don’t forget to reach out in the not-so-positive times. If you just had a baby and only post how swimmingly everything is going, don’t expect friends to know you need help. If you’re struggling while your husband is on a work-trip, go ahead and post the fun craft you did to kill time, but also text your bestie and let her know you could use some company and a grown-up conversation. If you’re going through a break-up, feel free to post the cryptic “staying strong” and “better than before” memes, but also reach out to your village for some hugs and support.
If you’re going to be a duck, at least let your paddling* know when you need help.
*According to my six-year-old, a paddling is a group of ducks that warn each other of danger while taking turns sleeping or foraging.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: I’m pretty bad at being a duck – I need this reminder as much as everyone else. My house is not always clean, there are times I feel excluded socially, and parenting can be really, really hard. I don’t always keep my cool and I wish I was a better mom in general. No one is perfect, even if portrayed as so online. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. Sometimes it’ll have tips to simplify a holiday, other times it might be a quick dinner recipe or a kids movie analysis. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
About Mackayla
Mackayla Turley is a married stay-at-home mom of three young kids in Pahrump, Nevada. She enjoys drinking coffee, reading, baking, and exercise as well as running a local moms group, Pahrump Mother’s Corner. Her friends describe her as a cheerleader, a giver, a minimalist, and an extrovert. She can be reached at pahrumpmotherscorner@runbox.com.
