I have been a people pleaser my entire life. Attribute it to my eldest-daughter, Type-A, semi-only child personality if you will, but the fact remains, I care about people liking me.
Or I should say, I cared. Past tense. I recently had a brain shift on the topic.
A person I have to be around semi-regularly doesn’t particularly like me, and it was driving me absolutely bonkers. I tried being nice. I tried inviting (not informing!) to hang out. I’ve checked in on hard times, remembered key details, and even dropped off a meal or a coffee & a treat on a few occasions. Regardless, the relationship was not clicking. I was brain storming new, unnecessary ways to reach out and lamenting my lack of friendship with this individual to my best friend when she dropped a brain-chemistry altering concept on me.
“You know how sometimes you meet someone and just don’t like them right off the bat for no reason at all? And it’s nothing they’ve done or said, it just is an immediate dislike? That’s this, and that’s ok. Not everyone’s going to like you, just like you don’t like everyone.”
Brain. Chemistry. Altering.
Then to compound the drastic changes my sleep-deprived brain was already attempting, I decided to talk to my husband about what my best friend had said. And then he decided to drop another brain-chemistry altering concept on me for good measure.
“Yea, some people will not be a good fit right from the start, love, & that’s ok. But more importantly, sometimes the people you thought were a good fit on the shallow levels will reveal themselves to be not great deeper down, too. People have a way of filtering themselves out of our lives if they’re not a good fit, & that’s a good thing. Some will filter out right out the gate, and some will take time, but either way if someone is filtered out of our circle, it’s for the best.”
This was, and still is, Earth-shattering news to me. I don’t have to take not clicking with someone as a moral failure, and neither do you.
Disclaimer/Reality Check: I’m sure some people have actual valid reasons to dislike me as well, I’m not claiming to be perfect here. This column will be about motherhood, parenting, and homemaking for the most part. It’s really a way for me to hash out my own jumbled thoughts at this point. Most importantly, I don’t ever want this column to make another mama think she’s not doing enough. If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are, you’re doing great, keep it up. Sing it with me: no-one is doing it allllll!
